Nevermind - the single app that was killing my connections to the outside world was Little Snitch. Shout out to wooter for this post on how to disable it:
Little Snitch is not compatible.
It will run, and pretty much go to 99% CPU and will kill your network speed.
Open a Terminal window:
sudo rm -R /Library/LaunchAgents/at.obdev.LittleSnitchHelper.plist
sudo rm -R /Library/LaunchAgents/at.obdev.LittleSnitchUIAgent.plist
sudo rm -R /Library/LaunchDaemons/at.obdev.littlesnitchd.plist
sudo rm -R /Applications/Little\ Snitch\ Configuration.app/
sudo rm -R /Library/Little\ Snitch/
sudo killall "Little Snitch Agent"
sudo killall "Little Snitch Daemon"